I’m all for protective parents. I haven’t met any parents who try to shelter their kids more than my parents. It’s good to know that you always have someone to turn to, someone who will offer advice when you argue with your friends, or when you feel like you’re a total loser with classes. But, let the kid decide what classes to take!
Yesterday at the New Student Conference we had moms and dads telling our freshmen what classes they should take. The usual scenario.
Mai (looking at the student): Do you have AP credits or have you taken any classes at a community college?
The Father: He has a bunch of APs. He can skip these classes.
Mai (looking at the student): Ok, so what classes do you want to take?
The Father: He wants to take this computer science class. (pointing into the catalog)
Mai (looking at the student): Why do you want to take that class?
The Mother: He just likes computer science. (smiling pridefully)
Mai (looking at the student): Are you considering double major?
The Father: But that would be a lot of work! These classes don’t count toward the Physics degree plan.
The Mother: He’s just taking it for fun, since everything needs computer these days anyway.
Mai: (explaining what I think about taking classes just for fun and making some suggestions)
The Mother (looking at the Father): Yeah, if it doesn’t count for anything, why take it?
The Father (looking at the Mother): So why not just do a double major?
– (more of Mother and Father discussing) –
If it weren’t out of respect of their age, I’d have told the parents to be quiet for a second and let the boy talk.
My parents have never told me what classes to take. They would give advice if I ask, but they trust that I know what works best for my career and what I have time for. My advisors told me what classes were required and what I should take in addition, but ultimately I have always made the decision myself. The right to decide entails a sense of responsibility: I choose to study this, therefore I must study it. I wasn’t studying because my parents told me to.
Parents, you had your chance picking out classes when you were in college. If you weren’t in college before, well, you could in principle go to college now, and get to pick classes for yourself. If your kids don’t get to pick classes for themselves, they’re not going to be responsible for those classes. It wasn’t their choice. Doing well or not, they’re not going to feel passionate about it. It just wasn’t their choice. If you want to have some good impact on your kids’ lives, tell them not to waste their brain cells with alcohol, tell them not to worry about earning money to pay for college, pay for their college if you can, tell them to focus on their work and not to date around mindlessly just “to have fun”, because 20 years of age is too bloody early to get married. Parents need to know that they must keep their hands on their kids’ morality, and hands off their kids’ career.
I’m not saying that you don’t know anything about college education or career. I’m also not saying that you absolutely are not allowed to offer advice. But give advice only when you’re asked, and after all, the kids have advice from us, their academic advisors. You had 18 years to teach them how to study, now let them do it for themselves.
